I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
