I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i think i have two assholes
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
