i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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