Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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