dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
