How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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