You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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