she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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