forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
you made out with another girl for some wings
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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