They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
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I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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