Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
