she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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