Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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