I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
