you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
