I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
