Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
