you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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