Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
