I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
