so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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