I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
