There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
