my cup is half full, half full of rum.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You brought string cheese to the strip club
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
