How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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