You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
