look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
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The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
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All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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