I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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