:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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