only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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