remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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