If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
