you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
