My room smells like vodka and shame
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
