Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
