Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
