First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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