And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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