Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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