she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
