If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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