The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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