I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize