sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Randomize