So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
