Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
