You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
