It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
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I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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