He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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