I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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