If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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