My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
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They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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