I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
