You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
