I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
