i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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