i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
