He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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