We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
