You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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