Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
