why didn't you poke me back
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
