Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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