they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
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mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
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You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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